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Archive for May, 2011

My Ideal Day

In my head I have an image of what my ideal day would be like… not a special day that only happens once, but the ideal day-to-day life I would like to someday lead.

I would wake up around 6 or 7am and start my day with some yoga sun salutations followed by a healthy breakfast and green tea eaten on my balcony overlooking the water. Breakfast would consist of a homemade omelet or muesli or possibly homemade waffles and fruit. From there I would prepare outgoing mail and packages for shipment, then spend a few hours writing. At approximately 10 or 11, I would stop for a quick workout followed by a healthy lunch; possibly a salad or homemade soup, maybe a sandwich. I would then walk down to Pike Market (or another farmer’s market) for fresh ingredients for dinner. I would do any prep work needed for dinner and dessert, then work on my craft (making jewelry and homemade boxes) until about 5 or 6pm. Next I would make a healthy fresh dinner. I would spend my evenings doing a variety of things… twice a week would be Zumba, there would be a monthly book club meeting, dinners with friends. I would also spend part of the evening reading. I would finish my day with some meditation and then head for bed around 10 or 11pm.

This has always been a “someday vision” for me. The details of where I lived have varied through the years, sometimes I drive to a farmer’s market instead of walk, or grow my own vegetables. Sometimes the crafts are different, or my time is spent teaching or volunteering. But the basic elements of this vision have always been there. So why aren’t I living that life now? I really don’t have an answer to that question. There is really no reason why I am not living at least some aspects of this life.

I know that some of you may think that I am changing my mind again… what about my dream of having a bookstore/ tea room? I think many times we have dreams that are somewhat conflicting. But I also think that each dream is meant for different times in each person’s life. Focusing on this vision doesn’t negate the other dream. This vision is more focused on my internal needs and what will fulfill me. The bookstore dream is something that will take time to get to. This dream, at least in part, is something that I can focus on now. No, I can’t currently walk down to Pike Market or any other farmer’s market at the moment (nor can I drive to one), but I can wake with yoga and a healthy breakfast. I can write in the morning and focus on my craft in the afternoon. I can do some of the other things that I envision in my ideal day… and so I am going to. I am going to start living my life as close as I can to the ideal day that I have envisioned. From there, anything will be possible.

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My Vision

I am a firm believer in vision collages. I think that they can help to motivate you when you are working towards a goal, and even help you determine what your goals are.

My current vision collage was made several months ago, before the move to Washington was even planned. I was struggling to determine where I wanted to go on my path, which road I should take next. So instead of a collage made with a clear goal in mind and images to foster that goal, my collage is composed of images that touch me or move in various ways. I don’t have a picture of my current collage yet, so I can’t post one here. I’ll try to take one soon and get it posted, in the meantime, I’ll just tell you about what is there…

Featured throughout my collage is water… waterfalls, rivers, the ocean, etc. There is even water in the background of several of the other pictures. I have pictures of happy couples, hiking, riding a zipline, horseback riding and butterflies. There are also pictures of athletic women doing yoga or kickboxing, women reading and writing. There are pictures of healthy food, various decor ideas and clothing I like. Then there are quotes and phrases, sometimes just single words. Here are my favorites:

“Find the happy in every day”
“Confidence”
“Discover”
“Things do not change; we change.” Henry David Thereau
“Journey”
“The decision to let go may be the most important one you ever make.”
“Life is full of celebrations”

This collage is truly reflective of where I am now on my journey and what I have come to see as critical elements in my life… being near water, healthy food and activity, adventure and new paths. I can’t wait to see where my next vision collage takes me!

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Yesterday was another successful day, though kind of frustrating as well. My interview went well, I think. Now I need to wait to see if I am called for a second interview. The frustrating part in all of this is that I had to dedicate 4 1/2 hours for a 15 minute interview. I have tried looking on the bright side of this not having a car situation, but it’s very difficult. Here are the positives, and the responses to them…

1. Not having a car provides an opportunity for exercise… there are no stores or anything within walking distance so I need to take the bus. The closest bus stop is a mile away, up and over a hill. If I did decide to attempt to walk to the closest store which is a couple of miles away, the return trip would be all uphill. And when I get home I get to add some extra adrenalin pumping by crossing a busy 4 lane street with no light.

2. Not having a car allows me to save money… I am saving by not needing to buy gas and by not being able to run out to the store whenever I get the urge for something. I also can’t buy as much when I’m out because I have to carry it to the closest bus stop by the store and then that mile up and over the hill to home.

3. Not having a car means I only go where I need to go during the day… Because the buses only come once every hour and it takes 30 minutes to walk to the bus stop, I have to plan out all of my trips. This cuts back on the number of places I go because I try to fit everything in together without having to get on and off the bus at different stops. Plus the return bus generally arrives 30 minutes after I get dropped off, so I have to plan for a quick trip or a longer trip… or sit waiting for the bus. My excursions usually take an hour, so I have 30 minutes to kill for the return bus. The other factor is that the bus runs from about 7am to 7pm, so anything earlier or later requires special planning.

Basically not having a car means I pretty much stay home all day unless there is somewhere I need to go (like to cash my check or for an interview). I usually jump at the chance to go to the grocery store ( or wherever) when my friend that I lives with comes home. I am using the time at home to study, read, workout and play with the animals. I go into town generally once a week right now, though when I’m working again (hopefully very soon) I will be going much more often of course. And honestly if the bus stop was more convenient and the buses came more frequently (like every 30 minutes maybe) or ran at all on Sundays (no buses at all that day), it would be much less of a hassle. But I am a positive person, so I can work with it until another solution comes along (that is until I get a car).

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Baby Steps

Yesterday went well overall. I actually exercised, getting in about 35 minutes of cardio and some core work. I drew up some goals, both long and short-term. I have a 2 month goal and a 5 year goal right now (along with a few various goals in the middle). Today I’m going to take my 2 month goal and break it down into steps. I will continue doing this each day until all of my goals are broken down into manageable steps. And I will do something each day to move me closer to my goals.

Today I actually have a job interview. I’m almost afraid to get my hopes up too high at this point since I have been disappointed so many times in the past. In the beginning every time I went on an interview (which to be honest didn’t happen all that often), I was sure that I was going to get the job. But a couple of years later, I no longer think like that anymore. I go in, do my best and hope. At least I’ve been getting more interviews since coming to Washington. I’ve had as many interviews up here in a month and a half than I had in San Diego in a year and a half. I have 18 more weeks of UEI, so I really hope that something positive happens soon… (or that I win big in Vegas lol).

I am making positive progress so far today and am keeping my spirits up. As long as I remain focused and committed to myself, I should be able to pull all of this off… with the help of my friends of course!

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Commitment Issues

I have serious commitment issues… at least when it comes to committing to myself. Every time I try to make a commitment to myself, I end up breaking it. I have quit on myself more times than I can begin to count. I start something only to drop it a short time later… classes, workout programs, organizations… you name it. This has to stop before I will be able to move on and create the life I want for myself. There are so many things that have been holding me back for so long, every time I attempt to face them, I cower away again. I need to get past this and deal with these issues once and for all… and I’m going to need some help to do it. I need support and encouragement from my friends, I am much better at keeping commitments to other people than I am to myself.

Today I am putting together a plan and some goals to tackle the 3 biggest obstacles to me moving forward with my life… my debts, my weight and my need to hold onto things that I should let go of. I have made a tiny bit of progress since I posted my last blog and have cleared out my Facebook friends list a bit. But there are so many other things (both actual objects and ideas) that I need to let go of. As far as the other 2 obstacles… I have attempted to tackle my weight so many times, but never follow through. I have all of the tools and even a great community online to help me, but I keep letting myself down by stopping. The issue with my debts has been following me around for years… issues with credit cards that I abused in my late teens and early twenties. I have calculated exactly how much I owe and am now working on coming up with a plan to eliminate these debts once and for all.

So my friends, what I need from you is to be here for me. To encourage me, not just today, but down the road when I feel like I’m ready to give up on myself again. If you don’t see a blog post from me, ask me why… check in to see that things are still going well… let me know you are here… because sometimes I feel very alone (Mo & Scott, I know you are here for me) and like there is no one listening (reading).

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Letting Go

I had an eerily accurate Tarot reading recently (actually 2 of them). In both it was brought up that what is holding me back from a truly fulfilled, happy life are the things that I am holding on to that don’t serve me any more. I know that they are there and I know that they hold me back. For some reason seeing this in the cards and knowing that until I work through all of this, I cannot reach the life I’ve dreamed of, has really brought this all to heart. I know what it is that I need to let go of, now I just need to find a way to release it all…

I need to let go of my fears and doubts, my insecurities, my indecision and inability to commit to something and see it through. I need to let go of negativity and judgements, which means also letting go of negative and judgemental people. I need to let go of the things that drain me and distract me, and of people who do the same. And while I am letting go, I need to embrace those things that will propel me along the correct path, my creativity, intuition, strength, and spirituality.

I am meant to forge a creative path, I have felt this for a long time, but sought safety in the known. I continue to turn towards the familiar, thinking that I am safe there, but really there is no safety in living a life that isn’t right for me, it brings only unhappiness and continued insecurities.

So I am working on creating a vision of the life that I want (which is materializing in my mind nicely). Now I need to commit to this vision and make decisions that support it. This will mean letting go of things that I have held onto for a really long time… objects as well as people and beliefs. It’s not going to be easy, but to live the life I want, it needs to be done. I have already started thinning out the people on my Facebook friends list… I am also looking at organizations and communities that I belong to and the possibility of eliminating my Facebook account (and others) completely… this may not come to pass, just things that I am looking at.

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Just a quick random blog with some things that you may not know about me…

1. I am a spiritual person, but not religious

2. I love learning about a variety of different topics… current favorites are world religions (especially eastern religions and paganism), nutrition and writing

3. I am completely fascinated with Italy

4. I want to contribute to the world in a meaningful way, but I don’t know what or how right now

5. My focus in life right now is to live positively and overcome the fears holding me back

6. I feel like I am finally coming to figure out who I really am

7. If I could do anything (money no object), I would travel

8. I have become obsessed with memoirs, especially those pertaining to cooking and travel

9. I want to get to a point where I cook using only fresh ingredients

10. I need to always live near water, it is my center (and yes, I am a water sign)

11. I support gay rights and the LGTB community (some of my closest friends are members of this community)

12. I believe that people have the right to their own beliefs and do not pass judgement, but encourage tolerance.

13. I believe in prayer and meditation

14. I am terrible with money and am not financially motivated, though would like to have enough money to feel stable and give back to the community

15. I would rather have 5 close friends than 50 casual acquaintances

16. I am about to turn 40, but feel like I am just now becoming an adult

17. I love irreverent comedy

18. I rarely ask for help, even when I need it

19. I tend to stay up until 2am and sleep until 10 or 11am

20. I believe in true love and soul mates

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